So You Gave In and Got Your Kid and iPhone? You Need This Contract Now

We’ve always been strict about our kid’s screen use, but it’s freaking exhausting …

Jul 14, 2021

I finally gave in. Despite a dearth of warnings, including stories of the most influential tech developers like Bill Gates who didn’t let his kids use the iPad, I let my 12-year-old get a cell phone. We were commuting over Teton Pass frequently, and I was tired of communicating with him through my ex-husband when he was not with me. I did not take this lightly, but I caved after he met my challenge to “go two weeks with no nagging about screens.”

His 19-year-old sister lectured him on the downfalls of Tik Tok, Snapchat streaks, and diving in the pool with the phone in your pocket. Despite fairly strict controls on her phone (which she also got at 12), by the time she was 18, she had the where-with-all to quit all social media, recognizing the negative impact on her mental health (a partial win?). We set up as many parental controls as we could — Screen Time on the iPhone is what we found worked best — then we just had to trust him.

We’ve always been strict about screen use, but it’s freaking exhausting. This contract is a variation of the one we found years ago online, and I can’t find the original author to credit, but there are many versions out there. My intent (as was the original author’s) is for you plagarize this as much as you want.

I’m proud of my son. The other night he was invited to dinner at the incredibly classy and unique Jenny Lake Lodge with wealthy clients of my husband. When I asked how it went, he told me he tried caviar for the first time on a salmon mousse, and “Mom, the twins (14) were on their phones the entire time at dinner. I couldn’t believe it. No one even said anything. Their dad was even sitting at our table. It sucked.”

Getting a cell phone for your kid is one of the most challenging personal decisions (or I hope it is!) you’ll make. I hope this contract makes it easier:

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Awesome!

You are a good and responsible 12-year-old boy, and you deserve this. But with the acceptance of this comes responsibilities. Please read through the following contract. We hope you understand it is our job to raise you into a well-rounded, healthy young person who can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. We also believe we have technology weaknesses we are working on in ourselves and invite you to “call us” on bad habits or when we are not paying attention to important things like YOU!

I _____________, understand that an iPhone and all technology — TV, iPad, computers used for entertainment — are a privilege, not a right. This right can be taken away by not following the rules listed below, and that failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.

We love you madly and look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.

Non-negotiable Rules:

We will always know the password and passwords to social media sites you use.
No closed or locked doors with electronics inside.
iPhone time counts as screen time so do your chores and exercise (or make a plan for it) first.
If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, and use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad.” Not ever.
Cars: no cell phones — parents or kids — without permission for drives under 20 minutes.
If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. It will happen; you should be prepared.

Negotiable Rules:

Screen downtime:

School nights — 8:00 pm until 4:00 pm the following day.
Weekends — 8:00 pm until 9:00 am the following day
Summer- no screens until 5 pm. Off at 8 pm

Screentime maximums apply to combined phone/iPad/TV, and the responsibility to monitor is YOURS.

Weekdays: 1-hour maximum combined across devices without additional permission.
Weekends 2-hours maximum combined without additional permission.

Permission for additional use will be based on:

Attitude — fighting, begging, arguing, and sneaking are not recommended.
chores — must be done when asked
Circumstances — i.e., long car rides, rainy days, movie time, etc.
reading

Some general tech thoughts:

Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others.
Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
Do not text, email, or say anything to someone you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person — preferably your parents.
Please turn it off, silence it, or put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t send pictures of drinking or doing drugs. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear — including a bad reputation.
Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).
Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers now and then.
Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without Googling.

You will mess up. We will mess up. We will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. We are always learning. We are on your team. We are in this together.

We hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here apply not just to the iPhone but life. You are growing up in a fast and ever-changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Could you keep it simple every chance you get? Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. We love you. We hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone.

Xoxoxo,

Mom and Dad