Dignity Diaries #1: Comparison Culture is Killing Creativity

Rethinking What Matters as a Superpower.

Jan 18, 2025

This week, especially in light of the LA fires, I'm so thankful for transcendent moments of deep tranquility when I look upon the valley from the top of a mountain with a new knee and a precious friend at my side. I am overwhelmed by a limitless gratitude that life has treated me so much better than I sometimes deserve. (photo credit: AI)

Counting … Comparing … Competing … Conforming …

Despite a social media and news detox and ample time out skiing mid-winter powder, enjoying good friends, peaceful family interactions, and the stunning full Wolf Moon, I caught myself doing this last way too much week— counting, comparing, competing, conforming. I noticed a friend was out skiing more than I was; after hearing that a friend was falling in love, I started looking back into online dating (briefly!). A colleague published an excellent article in an environmental journal I admire, and rather than be thrilled for him (and the audience he’d inspire), I felt a pang of jealousy. I wondered if someone around me had a more intense experience during a guided somatic breathing session, and a twisted thought passed through my heartbroken brain, wondering if my family would read as many sublime comments on Facebook as those written in tribute to a good friend who, after a long battle with cancer, transitioned.

Gawd, that’s screwed up.

This got me thinking about counting, competition, and comparison and how this tendency might illuminate or diminish one’s creativity, individuality, and, ultimately, Dignity. As a refresher here, when I speak of Dignity, I am assuming that humanity is inherently good, everything is interconnected, we can and must be better ancestors, and embracing this Buddhist perspective:

“Dignity is an inherent quality of fundamental wholeness and completeness that we all naturally possess: our true nature is pure, and our heart is noble. Knowing that we are whole and complete already—and gaining trust and certainty in that understanding—can counteract the common feeling that we are not enough, that something is missing.” and the assumption that humanity is inherently good, everything is interconnected, and we can and must be better ancestors.” ~ Phakchok Rinpoche

At its core, our true nature, Dignity, transcends numbers and comparisons. In Dignity, we are all equal. Recognizing and respecting this inherent worth in ourselves and others can shift our focus from external metrics to more meaningful aspects of life.

We are all different in identity—people of the past, present, and future. This is not a problem! Our identities, shaped by our unique experiences and backgrounds, allow creativity to flourish; society will stagnate without this diversity and creativity. Only by awakening Dignity, the pure, unique potential within all of us, can societies tap into the broadest range of ideas to find solutions to the complex challenges of our times.

The Modern Tendency to Compare

Philosophy has long grappled with questions of human worth and the tendency to compare ourselves to others. Aristotle, for instance, emphasized the importance of virtue and character development over external comparisons. Jean-Jacques Rousseau argued that this tendency arose with the development of civilization and often led to feelings of jealousy and inadequacy.

Leon Festinger's social comparison theory, developed in the 1950s, suggests that we have an innate drive to evaluate ourselves by comparing our abilities and opinions to others1. While this can sometimes motivate self-improvement, it can also lead to negative self-perception and unhappiness when we constantly measure ourselves against others by counting things that don't really matter and will never fulfill us, such as grades, the size of our bank account and social likes.

Western Culture’s obsession with material wealth, impossible metrics of beauty, systems of superiority, sameness, and scarcity, as well as the rise of the Internet and algorithmic technology, has led us astray.

Rethinking What Matters

One of the ubiquitous experiences of getting older is better understanding what you should have realized a lot earlier—what to give a shit about. Cultures can change—they always have and always will. Recognizing the importance of changing ourselves as the radical first action in changing the world, can we at least focus on what matters if we’re hard-wired to count and compare? We could reimagine humanity altogether or base it on hundreds of thousands of years of our species' existence by studying our best ancestors.

Many Indigenous cultures emphasize a deeply interconnected worldview, where individuals are seen as inseparable parts of a greater whole. This perspective discourages excessive focus on individual comparisons in favor of collective harmony, spiritual interconnection, and holistic well-being.

Many Indigenous communities stress the importance of maintaining harmony and balance in society and with nature. These communities have communitarian social structures where everyone has a valued role and individual gifts are appreciated within the context of community benefit. The African philosophy of Ubuntu encapsulates this idea with the phrase, "I am because we are.2 “It highlights that one's identity and individual differences are part of a natural, complementary whole rather than a basis for hierarchical comparison.

For many Indigenous peoples, spirituality provides the framework for deemphasizing material or status-based comparisons. When all beings are interconnected—with humans, nature, and even inanimate objects possessing a spirit or life force—this spiritual interconnection can lead to a more egalitarian mindset in which inherent Dignity is recognized in all beings.

Additionally, many indigenous perspectives encourage cultural humility and continuous learning, which can temper tendencies toward social comparison. They often emphasize respecting diverse ways of knowing and being rather than assuming the superiority of one's own culture or achievements. Wisdom gained through experience and connection to tradition is highly valued rather than solely focusing on individual accomplishments.

In essence, indigenous wisdom illuminates a path beyond our modern obsession with comparison and competition. Measuring life's success through community contribution, harmony with nature, and spiritual wholeness offers a more expansive vision of human flourishing. This approach embraces physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being while nurturing creativity and collective growth. Such a holistic understanding of a well-lived life is a powerful alternative to the narrow metrics of individual achievement that dominate contemporary society.

Putting it into practice

As I was writing this, I came across his week’s Ezra Klein podcast How to Discover Your Own Taste: The art of developing personal style in an age when algorithms loom over aesthetics and culture. Featuring Kyle Chayka, author of "Filterworld: How Algorithms Flattened Culture," the conversation touched on several key points related to redefining success in the modern age of algorithmic recommendations that shape our cultural experiences and encourage a more intentional approach away from sameness and familiarity and toward cultivating a unique sense of self in a world that often encourages conformity. Essentially, they argue that being an individual (or having a unique identity) in the age of algorithms and social media is becoming a superpower.

This comes at a perfect time, as I literally step into a white room (with a touch of purple). On Monday, as we celebrate Martin Luther King’s birthday and prepare for the next four years, I’ll be making a massive transition by downsizing and moving into a much smaller home (with a big, beautiful, snowy yard) on the other side of town.

While I have done a bit—OK, a lot—of remodeling over the past couple of months, I have heard at least a dozen times from contractors, paint suppliers, builders, etc., that “it all depends on what you like.”

That’s the problem, I replied, “I don’t know what I like.”

As I write this, I realize how hard it was to allow my “likes” or taste to manifest; I’m too busy admiring what others are doing, most of it online. While this is a great way to access others' creative ideas, the algorithms were driving the bus, not me.

Well, I’m done with that.

As I pack my possessions over the weekend, I’ll attempt to organize the chaos, knowing in my heart that less is more and that there’s nothing better I can do for myself and my ancestors than let go of possessions that no longer (or maybe never did) serve me. So many things that belonged to my parents were important to me in previous marriages, or my children or I loved growing up. How many of these things are holding me back versus propelling me forward? I’m pretty darn happy now, but I trust I’ll be much happier in a smaller space that is my very own.

I’ll let you know how it goes!